but we were never golden,
only white that turned yellow
in the sun, silver beneath
the moon, an illusion of
did it hurt when blood could not keep us together?
you can pretend it is enough, but it will never be for me,
and however hard you might try, we are two and not one.
like two pieces that don’t fit, or warmth and cold that clash
and lighten up the sky.
two so different that i wonder how we can share anything.
do we still?
those words broadened the almost invisible crack between us
into an abyss. i can see you on the other side, but my shouts
will never reach you.
and to fall into the deep darkness again, i won’t. the seas are
too deep and the fires too hot for me to cross, even if once i
would’ve done it blindly.
maybe somehow the blood had spilled from all the wounds you
do not care to see. some of them were made with a soft stroke
of your caring hand.
was it easy for you
to tell me how unbroken i was?
i’ve never told how shattered i felt
how ‘lone i was, but for you to think
how good i must’ve felt, was something new.
so i could not be sad,
because someone in the world had
more tears to spare.
so i could not feel alone,
you told me you were alwas there.
so i could not be broken,
just because you fell apart
in more pieces.
maybe i shouldn’t feel sorry,
if i would choose for myself for once,
and ended my selfishness in blood,
my privileges in greed.
i never wanted more of what i had,
just what they all seemed to have,
maybe i didn’t want to be alone,
but you could never make me happy.
you leave me homesick for those arms,
oh how i wander and wander, somehow
you always seem to be ahead of me.
will you turn around and wait for me, or
will you disappear into the velvet orange
sun, blinding me until I lose sight?
i can’t keep up, but how i will still run and
run. because i love you, and i wish not to
ever see your back to me again. the rays
of sun on your backbone conquered me
in it’s unearthly beauty, but it will always
be the face i know so blind i long for.
and maybe as long as our eyes keep
locked, i will dangerously slip my finger
down your spine.
but don’t you try to carry the weight
of the world. it is too much for you
to bear all alone.
you will fall apart in pieces, but the
guilt isn’t yours. they may refuse to
see for themselves, they may try to
pull such heaviness onto you. don’t
let them ever break you. however
the tears save nothing, maybe one
day you will get a chance to save
the world and lighten it’s weight.
maybe one day we can carry it all
when fear came knocking on my front door,
i couldn’t hide. it stood by my side when i had
nothing, so in all nothingness i still had the fright
i wished the least to be true. i wanted the dreams
i had dream during the rain of falling stars, and i
craved for the light to conquer the darkness that,
even in it’s anonymity, became an old friend of
mine. it knew about the things in my head and
made them real, and for that i could never forgive.
even among all my failed attempt in begging and
screaming for you to go easy on me, you were
among the unforgiveness you still soothed my
diseased brain at five in the morning, but only
after feeding of my pain and fear. are you so
merciless a friend, to let my nights go unsleeping
and frightened? the company you have kept me
has been both unpleasant and familiar, and
maybe I could miss you in the mornings, but
never in the dark.
if only the stars were vast friends.